Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Life is Fragile

For me yesterday could have been worse. But for some it was probably one of the worst days of their lives.

I received an email yesterday morning a classmate and a childhood friend was killed in a car accident on Monday. Not only is that horrible, she was also pregnant. I am not sure of any of the details and I don't want to be incorrect in writing them. However, I had grown up with this person and she was so kind and always smiling. Her facebook profile picture shows exactly whom she was and she also had a quote on there that portrays exactly the person I knew her as. "I will enjoy more and endure less....."

I did find a link to the crash.


Yesterday evening , my dad was taken by ambulance to ISJ in Mankato. My brother and his girlfriend were at home with him when he became shaky, pale, started mumbling, and throwing up. My brother called 911 at that time as well as my mom rushed home from work. He was stable and a cardiac workup ( to check to see if he was having a heart attack) was done and came back normal. They figured he maybe had some heat exhaustion. He is doing great and is at home.

For me yesterday I was so grateful and relieved that my dad was okay. For Kari's family as I said, it will most likely have been the worst day of their lives.

We get mad, we fight, we spend too much time on things that in the end do not matter.
I don't want to regret time lost, as well as having my loved ones regret time spent on those silly and mostly stupid in the end things.

Life is fragile and I thank God all that I have in my life. I am truly blessed.

I was taught a lesson and I too will try to enjoy more and endure less.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Packing: Unveiling of Obession

Yes I am moving again. I swore the last time I moved it was the last until I was married. So yet again, maybe, I hope, this will be my second to last stop.

It is a good situation, moving in with a friend, and it helps us both out. I can keep my cats, and as far as I can tell she won't be banging on my door at 6:30 in the morning because she most likely didn't take her meds or something. (Yes, that was a previous experience at the place I'm moving out of! ) ps..I would most likely laugh at you Emma if you did that!!

I hate packing. It is now when I really wish I had Mary Poppins powers and could snap my fingers and my ridiculously large amount of I don't know where I got half of these things would be packed and unpacked in no time.

So in my moving misery, sorting through random items, cleaning out my closets, I discovered something. I always knew I had a love for purses and shoes. When you aren't skinny you can't go wrong with these 2 things, they don't stretch fabric out across your thighs or make you look like you have a floating device around your stomach. But one of my closets literally was being devoured by these 2 things. The worst part: I haven't used any of them in months.

I think it is time to let go. The pretty red heels that I danced the night away with and the cute over the shoulder purse that traveled to Australia with me or the stoplight yellow heels that accompanied me on my 21st birthday. I just may have to say good-bye. My downtown days are less frequent and I don't for see any trips to Australia in the near future.

My tennis shoes and flip flops most describe my new grown up life..or my attempts at one anyways.

And as a matter of fact, I'm enjoying it.

Friday, May 14, 2010

It's hard to say no to bottle #3

No people, I'm not talking about lubricant....I'm talking about wine. House cab or Malbec per say. Don't worry though, I wasn't alone in my wine endeavor the other night. I didn't drink almost 3 bottles by myself.

You would think the evening would have started with dinner and such.....but it started with dress shopping. Now if any of you know me and have dress shopped with me you can sympathize with Emily. It has gotten better after somewhat of a weight loss but still isn't a glamorous event. There is shoe tossing, pants dropping, bra unhooking craziness. Will these boobs fit into this dress or not, do I look like I need a wide load sign on my ass?!?! Store after store you search for the perfect fitting, slimming, make you look like a "hot mess" dress. Due to the length of time of this endeavour, we stroll into target, buy off the rack and hope for the best.

The original mission of the evening wasn't dress shopping. That was just an unfortunate errand I had to run..but did find a dress! Anyways, back to the original mission...We were celebrating Emily's last night in town and newly earned Master's Degree! Now if you know Emily and I together, you'd know our evening somewhat..okay mostly..okay always..consist of wine.

Recently we discovered a little secret called, The Wine Cafe, where we actually wrote this blog, with a glass of Malbec in hand and the remainder of the bottle on the cute little suitcase table. Oh and as well as a fabulous cheese tray with ciabatta bread, grapes and cucumbers.

In the background open mic night is getting started and I start thinking that if I hone my guitar skills this summer maybe I could strum a few notes here this fall...

This happy occasion of course had to come to an end, my lovely friend Emily has to make the trek back to North Dakota, where 6 years ago we met. Bittersweet I guess, she has the whole world infront of her now, and I am quite curious as to where she will end up...and can't wait to visit!

**shout out to Em for helping me write this, as well as transcribing, slightly intoxicated, on our little couch at the Wine Cafe. ***

Monday, May 10, 2010

Your Warning...


I am writing to inform you I will no longer be putting up with you. I want my life back. I have written about you before in my attempts to "manage" your symptoms of hell. Quit making me feel like a complete bitch. Vulgar but true.

I hate gaining 10 lbs in 1 week, my stomach acting as a bottomless pit. I could devour anything and everything, never feeling satisfied and always wanting more..(stupid Chinese food!) I hate feeling like a bloated whale, never finding something to wear because I'm so swollen I may pop! Frankly, I hate you PMS. You ruin 1 week of my life every month. I just want to be happy and bubbly all the time, not only 3 weeks every month.

So can you stop already?

You have been tormenting me for 12 years. Is that not enough? 144 weeks thus far. You can not take anymore from me. I mean honestly, my life is great right now, get out of it so I don't screw it up.


If you were something I could get down on my knees and beg, I would. It and I have become that pathetic. I am putting an end to this and severing our relationship. I currently am working on a plan to put an end to you. You have taken your last week from me PMS, I am warning you to stay away.

Don't even think about coming back.


Friday, May 7, 2010

Duck Tape

I have no filter. I would describe a filter as the connection from mouth to brain. Apparently mine is broken and has been for most of my life. Now on a positive note, I'm honest. Maybe brutally honest, and for the most part you can count on the fact I'm going to say what I think.

Apparently people don't like this. I answer questions when not directly spoken to, I interrupt, and I say how I feel.

Now I'm aware of my lack of this thing I call a filter. I have attempted many many times to reconnect the "connection" between mouth and brain, and I have been completely unsuccessful.

This week has been awful, and my lack of a filter apparently has had its effect. Or that is my conclusion anyways. Because I do my job, and I'm a good nurse. I'm a good friend. I'm strong. And I'm thoughtful. My non filter must be taking its toll.

So, sadly I feel this must result in the exact opposite. No talking out of turn, no opinions (mine do not matter anyways), and no saying how I feel.

I must then, purchase duck tape.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Lesson Learned

As I had mentioned in one of my posts, one of my first ones actually, I struggle with weight. Now at first I thought it had alot to do with genetics, until last night when I did something horrible.

Not only did I not go to my weight watchers meeting, but I ordered chinese food. Only my favorites of course, vegetable fried rice, vegetable lo-mein, and general tso's chicken. (oh ya that is all...)

As I waited patiently for my feast to arrive, feeling somewhat guilty for ordering Chinese food altogether, the door bell finally rang.

I spread out all my goodies on my table and filled my plate so you couldn't even tell there was a plate. I literally shoveled the food into my mouth, I'm not quite sure if I even took a breath at this time. (an awful and very unattractive picture I'm sure.) About only 1/4 into my plate I was ready to puke. As I looked at all the food that took up almost all of my table, it looked as if I didn't even take anything from the cute little take out boxes.

Now, not only was I feeling like a huge bloated whale, it was then I spotted the fortune cookies. They sent 6 fortune cookies. They thought 6 people were going to indulge in this yummy Chinese food. It was at this moment I did not know whether to laugh or cry. I ordered enough Chinese food for 6 people. Wow. ( there isn't really much else to say about that.)

Another big slap on the face was that I wasn't even "satisfied." (in weight watchers talk that means, full not stuffed) I was sick, I felt as if I was carrying around a bowling ball of Chinese food in my stomach.

This bad idea, or lessen learned I guess, resulted in my never ordering Chinese food again.

*At least my fortune cookie (the one I picked out of 6), said, " A pleasant surprise is in store for you soon in the coming week."


Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Jack & Jill

My creativeness has been lacking lately, I apologize. I may have been caught up in Cafe World on facebook or missing my boyfriend whom will be residing in Des Moines, Ia for the summer. And as I try to be humorous in my posts, today I have a most serious agenda.

Last Friday night, a few lovely ladies and I, a cat, a dog, and 2 cute little girls got together. One of these lovely ladies, we will call her *Jill in this story, recently has gotten divorced. You could call it a celebration maybe, or a night of women empowerment per say, but most importantly this lovely lady Jill, needed to tell her side of the story.

Jill is a beautiful young woman might I add, with a good education, and a good head on her shoulders. Well Jill met Jack. And if we are all lucky enough, we know the feeling to fall in love. When the path of life seems so clear and you know it is just "right" with that person. In my understanding Jill felt that way of Jack, and Jack proposed.

Now of course I'm writing of Jack and Jill, so I wasn't there first hand. This "story" is my recollection of the explanation Jill provided on Friday evening. (and might I add we had around 8 bottles of wine, so things were flowing freely and honestly)

So back to Jack and Jill's story. If you haven't caught on yet, this isn't about going up the hill to fetch a pail of water. If anything its about going to fetch a pail of water to hit Jack over the head with. (kidding, that was not a threat.....only a promise.. I mean I'm just kidding. ) Okay okay, so proposal, marriage, and honeymoon. All great things according to Jill. Possibly the fairytale ending she had dreamed about as a little girl. Then things went bad.

Bad, I'm not very sure is a strong enough adjective for how things went. Jack well, I could add a couple of letters on to the end of Jack and that would be speaking highly of this character. Now, in Jill's defense I don't believe I heard her call Jack any bad names. She only described the horrible way Jack treated her, sleeping downstairs for almost all of their marriage, sharing almost no meals together, not even looking her in the eye... And even all the attempts to get marriage counseling, to go to church, to work things out Jack still did nothing. One word: coward.

Jill was still very persistent on keeping her vows and making things work. But how do you make someone change when now, ultimately you knew they didn't want them to?

2 years later, after Jill had tried virtually everything, there was an ultimatum; Leave or do marriage counseling. Jack left the following week.

For Jill, I believe this was very bittersweet. A new beginning to be treated like she deserves, but a painful memory of how one human can be so awful to the other. A difficult lesson to learn, but a surprising result at how strong you can be in tough times. You go Jill!

So like I said, women empowerment or a celebration, but maybe reinforcement that Jill did all she could do and all of us women would of kicked Jack down the hill a long time ago!

* names changed to protect the innocent.....and the guilty.