Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The Last Song

This great day has finally arrived.

It is Wednesday, almost the weekend..It is also Wednesday March 31st the release date for the movie, The Last Song.

As I have said before, I'm a Nicholas Sparks kinda gal... I love living vicariously through the characters in his books. Who would not want to be swept off their feet, spending hot summer nights in North Carolina (the place where most of his books take place)? His books pull the strings of your heart and in my case normally make me bawl my eyes out.

They are easy reads, these books...More than likely if you get wrapped up in the heartbreak, love, or dramatic rescue you can speed read your way through these in an evening. The only downfall to this is Nicholas Sparks cannot write as fast as I can read. I have been trying to slowly read, The Choice, which would be the end to my Nicholas Sparks reading collection..It has been going quite slow since I read it only when I'm at the gym..and lets face it, that happens maybe only once a week...and have you tried reading a book while running??!?!? My arms are moving up and down in front of me while I'm trying to focus on the words that are now bouncing around blurring together..and I look like a ra-tard only moving my legs...great picture huh?

But let us not get off track here....The Last Song. A story of a 17-year old girl whose life was torn upside down when her parents divorced. She is somewhat estranged from her father whom requests her and her brothers presence at his house for the summer. Ronnie (her name whom is played by Miley Cyrus!!), finds out what growing up is like and maybe even has her first real kiss! I won't say anymore other than if the movie is anything like the book I may see it in the movie theater 30 times!!

Guys take your ladies...Mankato Showtimes: Movies 8 (the mall) 4:55, 7:30, 10:05.


Miley's new song :

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Dear America

Dear America:

Hello. I'm writing to inform you I'm quite sick of pressing #1 for English. If I'm not mistaken English is the language of the American people. I know you may be as confused as I when discussing who are American people; people that have lived here all their lives or anyone that lives here at anytime?

This is where I'm confused America. I do not believe myself to be a racist person, nor do I mind hearing 5 different languages at Wal-mart. I wish I would be fluent in more than English..and I do not always assume that I'm being talked about just because I do not know the language that is being spoken...And regardless if I were being talked about I wouldn't really care what was being said...

The point is America, I make many many phone calls to insurance companies, pharmacies, and other clinics and hospitals and every stinking time there is a prompt in Spanish and a prompt in English that tells me to press #1 for English. ..Really?!?! You know how much time of my life is being wasted having to listen to these prompts? Alot.. Over my life span probably at least a week..that is 10,080 minutes of my valuable life!

I won't even start on the subject of never being able to talk to a human being or being transferred to 12 different people having to use the same identifiers 36 times... and/or if I'm going to be lucky enough to be able to understand the other person on the line...Can we have a prompt such as this: Press #1 for a clearly speaking English human being that will not transfer you and take care of your problem?

Ugh. How frustrating. I'm all about a "better life" but listen here...A better life means learning the language that is spoken by the country you are living in. It doesn't mean we have to put signs up in 10 different languages just in hopes that you can find the registration desk.

I'm not trying to be harsh. I'm not being racist. I'm being for real. Can there be a test before entering the United States? A language test? Maybe I'm naive and there already is one and the test correctors are just very horrible...And no I'm not going to google it because I will be saddened to find out there is a test and no one, America, really cares what the results are..

In conclusion, I want those 10,080 minutes of my life.. Stop taking them away.


#1 for English, thanks.

Monday, March 29, 2010


Frankly, there isn't much to explain about the nonsense of the weekend. There are no excuses for the idiocy, hilariousness, and constant giggles or the soreness of our tired raking arms. The weekend was spent in great company with great people..

For some this may not be funny, but for others it may give you a tear in your eye or a dribble in your panties...

So much for, "What happens at the cabin, stays at the cabin..."

And this is how the weekend went...

(if there is an error please correct....or something i missed...somethings were written down in extreme laughter and/or intoxication..and I have bad handwriting..)

1. On eating chips..Justin: I like brown chips..
2. Again on eating chips..Kari: I like the curly ones..(apparently easier for dipping)
3. On the topic of the mysterious black panties...Kari: They aren't mine, I don't wear panties with buttcheeks.
4. New Word thanks to Kristie: Wickle..(wickedly good pickle)
5. On melting butter in the microwave..and it overflowing..and then Judy says, "Just a little butter on the burner."
6. Justin: Did you say Miley Rae Cyrus?
7. While playing charades, Judy is going around the room acting as if she is giving a bear hug to everyone...the word was huddle..
8. On a new charade strategy Joe says, " I think we should try to just guess words that we can guess."
9. When trying to guess "Joe Biden" Joe says, "Joe God." Then when Marc does guess Joe Biden and states he is the VP, someone says, Vice President of what?"
10. Charade: 2 mules for sister Sarah..enough said.
11. Charade: Hulk Hogan..Kristie does muscle man. Kari guesses in about 2 seconds.
12. Charade: Davy Crockett...acting : Crocodile and points to Jamie, Justin, and Judy.. because they are brothers and Judy's brothers name is Davy.
13. Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer...too bad he never crys.
14. Marc: If we drink this place out of beer, I'm going to need a liver transplant..(didn't we go to the liquior store Saturday?)
15. Saturday Morning: Marc says, Kari didn't even sleep in here.(the bedroom in the basement)We go upstairs. Kari is on couch with blanket over head..Kari: I tried sleeping until like 4:30 and I came up here....Why? we asked...because that pump thing goes, " Raeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnggggggg."
16. Driving in the car to Green Mill, I said doesn't it feel like sometimes when you are out of town you are actually in a different state..some agreed..Then I said, "For real, its like I'm not even in Kansas anymore."
17. Kari comes out of the bathroom at Walmart," I love it when the mirrors make you look 3 feet tall and fat as hell."
18. While in the children's bike isle at Walmart...Kari may or may not have been riding around a children's bike...overhead speaker says, "Associate to Sporting Goods.."
19. Everyone was taught the meaning of woof, reggie and rita...
20. While playing guesstures..Jenna goes to Leon and asks who this person (on the card) was...Leon looks confused...laughter began..The card said gather...Jenna thought it was
21. Leon: cheater cheater, pants on fire.
22. On trying to catch up to the girls score someone tells Joe he needs 14 points so pick the card with a 4. Joe looks at the card and says,"There is only a 1 or 3.."
23. After not guessing one of the cards Joe says while running to act out a different clue, "Tape measure you dumb shits."
24. Pictionary..word: conveyor..Justin draws a bunch of birds...Kristie, Jamie and I didn't get it..When asked what he was drawing...Justin: "Convey of quail."
25. On the topic of a clean sheet of paper to write down all of this nonsense, Marc picks up a piece a paper from the ground that was underneath the wheel of his chair...he says to me, " There is a fresh piece of paper there (putting it on the table) I just ran it over with my car."
26. Charade: fodie: Kristie says, "Isn't that the other animal in Garfield?"
27. On spelling lettuce for charades, Justin wrote, "lettus."
28. After me saying, Jamie woof. Ian says, "He doesn't look like Buzz's girlfriend."

Now obviously I couldn't write EVERYTHING down. And somethings may or may not have been appropriate for public domain but this weekend was something of another kind....

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

My apologies

I lied. I'm sorry. I did not go to get New Moon on Friday. I did not stand in line with all the crazy teenage girls at Walmart. And even worse, I did not get to stop at anything to take one of these teenage girls out..

I am quite ashamed of myself in all honesty. How can someone such as myself, someone so taken by Stephanie Meyer's Twilight Series, (frankly obsessed) not go get the second movie at midnight last Friday.

I have no excuses. I wish I could say I won the lottery and instead of buying the movie I just bought a movie theater to watch New Moon in. I cannot say I was in Vegas getting married at a tacky chapel with baby blue tuxes and long sleeve wedding dresses. I cannot even say I was spending a romantic evening with my boyfriend..because if that were the case he better have taken me to Walmart..(oh I know, I'm a sucker for romance..Walmart. Friday perfect.) I also cannot say it was a party animal life of the party drunken escapades kind of night.

Like I said. No excuses. I'm sorry Edward and Bella. I will never fail you again. I will be at the midnight showing of Eclipse on June 30th, I will be dressed head to toe in my twilight gear, I will stand in line as long as it takes, and again teenage girls, I will stop at nothing..

Monday, March 22, 2010


So yes, I'm blogging about PMS. Maybe this is TMI (too much information) but it's my blog so back off..don't read it if you don't like it. ugh.

So about a month ago I recently started "the pill" again. Since this is public let me clarify something... No I did not start "the pill" because I sleep around, and I don't much admire people that do..anyways, I have something called endometriosis. This is something in which the tissue that acts like the cell lining in the uterus (endometrium) grows in other areas of the body, causing pain, irregular bleeding, and possible infertility.. One of my doctors described it as cell splitting or like spiderwebs over my in hopes to stop this cell splitting and horrible weeks I spend with moodiness,cramps,nausea and uncomfortableness I started "the pill" again.

"The pill" is to stop ovulation which is the time in the month when a woman can get pregnant. In my case, ovulation is something of a different matter.. I feel and mostly likely act like a crazy bitch. I swear to you nothing can go right. I retain water, bloat like a whale, my clothes don't fit, I may cry, laugh, or scream at anytime, and frankly do not even like to get out of bed. The worst part about all of this is that I know that I'm doing it and I know what it's from and regardless I am unable to control it. I promise.

I can honestly freak about about everything and anything. Here are some examples of things already today that made me want to cry and/or scream..I mean really? Where is me and what have I done with her?

1. My cats literally taking my turkey sandwich out of a bag and then out of a baggy, leaving only the bread and two pickles.
2. My brother taking $20 from my purse.
3. A wrong look in my direction.
4. Calling at 9am to make a tanning appointment for 4:40pm and that being unavailable.
5. My scrubs..Ya I know right, they are supposed to feel baggy and today I feel like a beached whale.
6. Slow ass drivers. If you CANNOT drive the speed least...get off the #$%# road.
7. Pointless emails..if it doesn't have anything to do with me, don't send them to me.

I cannot even talk to people without being a bitch. I should hibernate at this time every month just to avoid lost relationships, I'm one lucky girl to still have friends and a boyfriend....(my family can't get rid of me).. If I were them, I may have given me a good bitch slap right about now.

So maybe this wasn't funny, but it is brutally honest. A sort of apology for anyone that knows me and has to put up with me around this time of every month.

I am hoping "the pill" acts as an exorcism of my ovulating symptoms. And if I'm not acting like myself, blame it on the hormone demon please. It is not me, it's them.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Spring Ahead

To Whom it May Concern Mr. Whythehellwouldyouhavetogomessupmysleepingscheduleman:

I have a bone to pick with you. I do not care to add another hour of sunlight to my life at this time. Yes, it is agreed that in the summer, IN THE SUMMER, it is nice to have an extra hour of sunlight but it really doesn't matter because its the summer and I can do anything I want outside when its getting dark, its called a light, a flashlight, or a fire. .

Now Mr. Whythehellwouldyouhavetogomessupmysleepingscheduleman, I cannot fall asleep at the usual time I should nor can I get out of my bed at 6:30 in the morning when it is pitch black in my bedroom. I have now turned from normal person to a sleeping zombie by day walking around with my eyes half shut (dangerous I know), to the fricken energizer bunny at night.

So when it comes time to fall back Mr. Whythehellwouldyouhavetogomessupmysleepingscheduleman you can just stop. Just stop changing the time AGAIN..I can't keep up with you. All 24 years of my life are way to old to keep changing things around like this. And how nice of you really to come up with clever little sayings such as "fall back" and "spring ahead", don't lie to us Mr. Whythehellwouldyouhavetogomessupmysleepingscheduleman, you should have said, "fall back into the hell of winter it will get darker outside and you will become depressed" and "spring ahead into muddy rainy brown snow that still isn't quite nice enough for you to sun bathe in and enjoy and I shall just taunt you."

So quit messing up my life Mr. Whythehellwouldyouhavetogomessupmysleepingscheduleman, I don't mess around with yours.


Sleeping Zombie/Energizer Bunny....I don't know what the heck time it is..

ps. I managed to stay away from green beer last night.

pps. I wasn't writing that to you Mr. Whythehellwouldyouhavetogomessupmysleepingscheduleman...stay out of my business.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

St. Patricks Day & Groundhog Day

Happy St. Patricks Day All!

March 17th every year we celebrate this green filled day named after Saint Patrick himself. Out of curiosity I googled (of course)St. Patricks day and was quite astonished to what I found.

Did you know that St. Patricks Day began as a purely Catholic holiday and became an official feast day in the early 1600's? I didn't. Catholic holiday? Of getting hammered..if that truly is the case I may have to rethink being Lutheran...Anyways, as you know it has become more of a secular holiday celebrating the Irish Tradition. It was created to serve as a one-day break during Lent, the forty day period of fasting. Nowadays, right about now bars are getting out their green food coloring and carefully dropping it into kegs and kegs of beer, guys are buying all sorts of green beads in hope of "getting lucky" and viewing some parts of a woman's anatomy, and children are getting served green milk and hearing stories of leprechauns. Oh good ol' St. Patricks Day....
Let us talk green beer for a moment...They say you cannot taste the food coloring and as far as sugar cookie frosting goes I would totally agree, but when it comes to consuming beer,something I crave on weekends and normally has only a amber yellow tint to it, it does taste different to me. Maybe I will plan on drinking bottle beers tonight until my taste buds aren't particularly caring anymore of what type of alcohol I consume or what color it is. Hmm...we shall see.

Have a safe and Happy St. Patricks day!

So lets talk about Groundhog Day..I know, I know it was in February but...A friend and I were having a beer outside last night(apparently I don't only crave beer on weekends..) and we were commenting on how nice it was even though a bit damp and breezy. I asked, "Has it already been 6 weeks since the groundhog saw his shadow?" And seeing groundhogs day was on Feb 2, sure enough! We started talking more about how right that prediction was and how who came up with such a thing as a groundhog seeing his shadow or not and how that makes a prediction such as the, I got this wild and crazy idea.
I just so happen to have 2 cats....I decided that these 2 cats (seeing their shadow or not) will predict for me somethings that are uncertain in my life..such as:
If my cats don't see their shadow I will...

finish my RN in 1 year
get married and have kids before I'm 30
be skinny
never want to have a cigarette again
own a house
pay off my student loans before I'm 50
go to Europe
win the powerball

I suppose if they see their shadows, none of these things will happen..(stupid cats they will probably chase their shadows)

Of course I could go on with things I'd love to predict and unfortunately my cats may not have the same power as the beloved groundhog..(hopefully no one involved in PITA is reading this or they may think that is some sort of abuse on my cats)..I guess I'll just have to go to a fortune teller or something...I'm sure she or he will be able to predict my future!

Monday, March 15, 2010

No Shows

No Show- lack of picking up a phone, dialing a number, leaving a short message, and complete and utter disrespect for your health care provider.

Now don't get me wrong. I know there are emergencies that prevent one to be able to make a 45 second phone call stating they are unable to make their appointment. These "emergencies" do not include things such as your child or pet consuming your phone, hangovers, feeling sick (I mean do I really have to explain that one?!?), or being embarrassed. ( What did you swallow and/or stick in you and where?)

Some of you may not know the amount of time and effort that is put into each and every one of your visits to the doctor. First let us start with scheduling. You call and make an appointment ( you use the same phone you should have used to cancel or reschedule when you decided to no show...weird.)this appointment of course being farther out in the month than you would have liked it to be...(maybe if Bob,Tom, and Mary would have called and actually canceled their appointment for this afternoon, the doctor could have seen you)so you try and reason or bargain with the scheduler saying how sick you are and why you should have precedence over the patients that are already on the schedule.(Question? Do you think the scheduler actually has the power to be like okay Bob, I guess the rectal bleed can wait, we will put you in later today.....absolutely not...) The best he or she can do is transfer the phone call to a nurse where you can retell your sad sad story to when the answer still is 10 days from now....(I do care about my patients although this maybe a dramatic portrayal)

So with your ten day out appointment you hang up the phone disgusted and feeling unimportant. Why do I,(Bob), have to wait ten days for my appointment, I mean what if I too would have a rectal bleed right now?!
In the meantime, the nurse, such as I, is documenting your phone call, collecting your records from all the health care facilities you have visited over the last 10 years, and compiling all your information for your special day. This process can take anywhere from 15-60 minutes per patient. Sometimes we can see around 16 patients in a clinic do the math..( I only say that because I'm not mathematically inclined)

So your(Bob) special day has finally arrived. You have patiently awaited your beaming steps into the lobby, the 50 registration questions (some such as what religion are you, or in case of an emergency who should we contact), the outcome of your temperature, pulse, and blood pressure, or the fate of a needle stick...The nurse has your chart up and ready, the doctor browsing your history, preparing to answer some of your most toughest questions....and guess what BOB..You didn't #$@%# show up!

Would it have been so hard Bob for you to call? Just a simple 45 second phone call. The cycle continues and the next Bob calls wanting to be seen right away. Well ya know what Bob #2, maybe if Bob #1 would have called to cancel we could have taken care of you today....lesson to learn here people...&*$%# call okay!

Friday, March 12, 2010

Bumper Stickers

Oh glorious Bumper Stickers..No i'm not talking about your old run of the mill bumper stickers faded on the back of the old buick or station wagon, I'm talking about the facebook application Bumper Stickers.

Yes, my life has come to this.. . I love browsing through them reading each one very carefully..Having a bad day? Why not read through the bumper stickers, they are always good for a giggle..Need to express yourself to that special someone but you don't know how to put the words together? Just so happens facebook bumper stickers are there for you...Some may even call it virtual Hallmark. Anything you need to express, good'll find it..

It is set up nicely for some computer illiterate people out there, such as myself at times. I didn't even know how to add a blog to my favorites list..Wow!
Anyways back to the set up, there is a nice search box for you to put in ONLY a single word ( yes it does say single)apparently it may be overloaded with more than one word...Also there is a category drop down box with suggestions such as gansta, pick up lines, cute animals, geekdom, and witicisms. The normal stuff you know...gansta? curiosity got the best of me and yes yes I checked it out..There were a few stickers with guns, and 50 cent,and one that said asian hillbillies ( someone please explain that one to me, is it a new gang? not of the west or east side or something?!?!) I was also curious about the pick-up lines, and could use a good laugh right about now, I mean its friday and the last place i want to be is work, right!?!?! So I dragged my mouse and clicked pick-up lines...ah jeez..this is what I with a shirt (kinda with the mountain dew symbol) only saying mountain do, another with a man and a women standing facing eachother, the man saying, this necklace will look good with the hickey i'm going to give you..(please guys..never ever use this one, I'd rather you where the mountain do me shirt!)

Here are some of my faves:

With that...Take some time out of your day to use bumper sticker..:) Happy Friday!


Ode to the Weekend...

I wasn't quite sure on the correct definition of ode, and I wanted to use it correctly so of course I googled it..

Ode :A short poetical composition proper to be set to music or sung; a lyric poem; esp., now, a poem characterized by sustained noble sentiment and appropriate dignity of style.......(Dignity of style.check. )

Okay so...


Thank you weekend for arriving again
Monday through Thursday were running me thin
All this work and very little play
It's time again for Friday!

Friday oh Friday you are finally here
Now I can start drinking my beer
Card games,charades,the shot game of course
Laughing, smiling, booze is the source!

From bruises to face plants into the floor
Or jumps from the kitchen's sliding glass door
From silly remarks, guesstures, and tippy cup
To catch phrase, cranium, and drinking it up.

From trips to the cabin, may nonsense arise
To a twins game tomorrow, lets hope for blue skies
Sleeping in and staying up late
Spending good times with all your best mates.

Sadly it ends as Sunday night draws near
And the fun of the weekend becomes quite clear
We are tired and comfy, snuggled in bed
With pillows neatly placed under our heads.
Back to real life, no more good fun
Monday comes fast, the weekend is done
Waiting it out for the weekend again..
Friday hello and let the games begin!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Google and Barnes & Noble

Barnes & Noble...The bold hunter green that fills in the letters on the sign, the tan "&" sign fitting nicely in between. The beautiful brick that surrounds the entrance, and the sparkly clean glass doors....and don't forget that Starbucks nestles nicely into a corner of this wonderful shopping place.

As I was gliding towards the door I realized Barnes & Noble is the most magical place of all. (I say gliding because it is almost as if you hear bells ringing and the gates of heaven opening on your way in...) You've got fiction, humor, art, biography, children's books, religion, politics, and don't forget self help books. (Blogging for Dummies 101) But regardless I could spend hours browsing through the book shelves and display tables. I must admit I'm a Nicholas Sparks and Stephanie Meyer kinda gal. I have flat out sobbed in all of the Nicholas Sparks books, such as one of his latest books made movie, Dear John, or The Last Song, which comes out as a movie in April..with Miley of course. I'll only slightly mention the Twilight series because I may not stop blogging about my love for Edward and Bella. Let's just say I named my two cats Edward and Bella, I have 2 twilight t-shirts, a candle, a blanket, and a little team edward tin..obsessed..possibly..crazy..absoultely not.. I will though, be at Wal-Mart next week for the release of New out teenage girls, I will stop at nothing.

Ok ok enough Twilight talk..Back to Barnes and Noble. I'm kind of like a kid in a candy store. Yesterday I went to this beloved store. I had no certain book in mind, I literally judge each and every book by their covers. I happen to pick out a book with 2 yellow pillows on a bed of a creamish color. It is called, Slip of the Knife, written by Denise Mina. Apparently, and I only say apparently because I have not started the book yet, it is about a reporter whose ex boyfriend gets murdered, leaves his house to her, where she finds suitcases full of notes about something awful..I will let you know if its a good pick or not..The second book I picked out, I have heard of before. It is called The Shack by WM. Paul Young. The cover, yes as you guessed it, has a shack on the front. After I finally finished reading The Lovely Bones (a great book), I started The Shack. AMAZING! ( i say that in a higher pitched voice, with my head tilted up a bit and a big smile) On the cover along with the shack it says, Where Tragedy Confronts Eternity- mind catching right? Mack, the main character is faced with one of the worst tragedies of all- a child vanishing. Emotions run high while he struggles to still be a husband and father to the other members of his family until one fateful day when he receives a letter in the mail. ...I'll leave you in're welcome...Read the book, you will not be disappointed.

So back to Barnes and Noble. As my chin was dropped and I was drooling over all the possible books to read, trying to expand my romantic/vampirish mind I was thinking..Who started Barnes and Noble..I obviously assumed someone named Barnes and someone named Nobel, but I thought google would be of better assistance.

Let's talk google for a second. Don't you just love it? If it were a person I would hug it! My favorite part is when you type in something and its like, did you mean________. Why yes Google, you are right.. that is what I meant.
So I use google every day, basically if I get asked a question I don't know , I'll say google it or if I can't myself find what I want to know, sure enough, I'll google it! So as to my wondering about how Barnes & Noble became....I googled it. ..

Here is what I found..(I hope there will be a trivia question someday on this, and when there is you can say, thank you Andrea for the useless knowledge.)

Barnes & Noble originated in 1873 when Charles Barnes opened a book-printing business in Wheaton, Illinois. Their first true bookstore was set up by his son, William, in partnership with G. Clifford Noble, in 1917 in New York City.... In 1974Barnes & Noble became the first bookstore to advertise on TV, and a year later, the company became the first bookseller in America to discount books, by selling New York Times best-selling titles at 40% off the publishers’ list price. As of October 2009, the company operates 777 stores in all 50 U.S. states and the District of Columbia in addition to 636 college bookstores, which serves nearly 4 million students and 250,000 faculty members across the country...(Thank you google!)

So when in doubt..Google it...need a good book, go to Barnes and Noble.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Pilates, Sarcasm, and Food

Nothing like a good workout from an at least 55 year old ripped out of her mind pilates nazi. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy her very much. 5 second break..I don't think so, she will single you out before you even get a chance to THINK you are taking a 5 second break! For some of you that believe pilates is just women getting together and stretching...think again.. According to, Pilates is an exercise system that is focused on building strength without bulk, improving flexibility and agility, and helping to prevent injury. It involves a series of controlled movements that engage both your body and mind.

Now I must disagree with the engaging your mind part. We listen to music from Micheal Jackson to the Spice Girls. It's pretty hard to focus on breathing and relaxation when all you want to do is sing, "Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,So tell me what you want, what you really really want" or "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends, Make it last forever friendship never ends,If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give,Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is." So maybe that was a little much... But you get my point.

I would also add into the definition, after the engage both your body and mind use muscles that you do not even know you have. Your body will shake, you will feel like a wet noodle, and there is a possibilty you may not be able to walk the next day. . Yep that pretty much would sum it up! And no I'm not being dramatic, every Tuesday and Thursday I get my butt kicked at Pilates.

On to sarcasm. I mean for real, I'm a very sarcastic person. There really isn't anytime that I'm not saracastic. I'm even sarcastic with my patients....(only appropriately of course!) But there comes a time in everyones sarcastic life where you need to be serious or "for real" because sometimes certain things are not a sarcastic matter..( i just wrote sarcastic 5 times in a row..oops now 6!) Just for clarification's sake I will make a list of things that are sarcastic (7) and when sarcasm should not be used.

Good times to be sarcastic (8)
1. 50th Birthday Party ( I mean at least you can get AARP now) -thats old people insurance for you people that dont know..
2. When you're annoyed ( ya ha go ahead bob stick your head in the paper shredder)
3. When talking about your weight ( If I gain 5 more pounds my thighs will start a fire when I speed walk)
4. Making a mistake ( I meant to do that)
5. Having a colonoscopy ( who wouldn't want to take a nuclear laxative that makes you seem like a space shuttle ready for lift off)

Bad times to be sarcastic (9)
1. Death (never say, well at least Jim went out with a bang) -Jim died while hunting.
2. During Sex (never say, Does something smell fishy?)..
3. When talking about significant others parents ( I hope you don't look like that when youre old)
4. Love
5. At Work ( who am i kidding...i'm always sarcastic(10) at work!)

So you get the point. As much as I am always sarcastic (11)I do like to be "for real." Maybe I'm a bit sensitive when it comes to things that I take seriously, or things that mean alot to me like my family, significant other, and friends, my education (well actually I can get pretty sarcastic(12)about nursing school), or my feelings..because lets get "for real" here for a second..sometimes we all use sarcasm as a cover up for how we really feel. Ha, I'm kinda like Dr. Phil or something.

Now Food...Is it me or does this crappy weather make you want to eat everything is sight?!? It probably is me, like I said I have struggled with being fat most of my life...maybe not when I was an infant but probably since being a toddler! Regardless, lately I want to eat everything! And no, there is no baby.

I am involved with weight watchers and I somewhat compare it to AA. No, you don't go to the meeting and say, " Hello my name is Andrea, I have an eating problem." "I haven't been hungry since I can't even remember." But you do I think, need to go for the rest of your life, as in my case anyways.

Weight Watchers is about life style changes and still being able to eat what you want. Sometimes I still eat too much of what I want. Or of course I'll choose Dill Pickle chips over carrot sticks or beer over water. Its a slow process and an everyday struggle with myself. I do not have an angel on my right shoulder or a devil on my left, I have a fat girl on my right and a skinny bitch on my left and so far I think the fat girl is winning...maybe pilates will make the skinny bitch stronger...

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Alice in Wonderland

Alice in Wonderland in 3D! How lucky can we really get?

As a child I probably watched the old 1985 movie, Adventures of Alice in Wonderland at least 5 times a week. Who wouldn't want to fall through a rabbit hole into a Wonderland full of weird creatures such as The Cheshire Cat who can evaporate into thin air, or a talking caterpillar who smokes the hookah?! Of course my version was Adventures of Andrea in Wonderland, how nice of Lewis Carroll to use an A name. Perfect!

As an adult, Alice in Wonderland has a whole new meaning. Whose side are you on? The red queens? I would like to yell, "Off with their heads!" on a daily basis and have people jump at my beckon call. Or the white queens? The most fairest of them all, oh oops that's snow white..thanks disney. But the most beautiful women in all of Wonderland..( ps. Anne Hathaway played the white queen in Burton's version, although a very beautiful women, I wasn't fond of her deep red lips, white face and white hair...not the best look for you Anne...)(I'm sure she reads my blog..) But anyways, the most beautiful women in all of Wonderland whom is kind, caring, and don't forget has her prince. . .. .It gives you a sense of saddness for the red queen with her small body and abnormally large head.

I'm not quite sure I picked up on the jealousy and power struggle over Wonderland when I was young. My mind wandered to the thought of being Alice and of growing taller when I ate the cute little cake, or of shrinking when I drank the little vial of liquid..(which wasn't the smartest idea for little kids, I told my brother to drink perfume due to that. )or how about the big arm chair at the Mad Hatter Tea Party?! Or the Mad Hatter in general..

This movie is for the old or young, a great story from a great mind. And like Alice... "If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?”

Monday, March 8, 2010


(hand wipes sweat off forehead) ..first post. check.

It's Monday. Yep Monday. And yes I know if my work week started on Tuesday I would be like yep Tuesday, but Monday just has that sort of alarm clock slap in the face ring to it. The awful alarm clock, such as in my case my cell phone's crappy choices of songs alarm clock...It is called "Welcome Back", I mean really is that supposed to be a sick joke? The worst is when you are shopping or out to eat and someones phone rings and sure enough...what ringtone is it? ......WELCOME BACK. That is the point where I would like to bitch slap the person who has their phone on loud anyways. It's called vibrate people..put it in your can tell when someone is calling....(my blood pressure just increased by 20mmHg systolic/diastolic) - that means if it was 120/80 it just went up to 140/100..

Enough Monday talk..I trully am a morning person, especially lately when the sun is shining and that special person is snoring next to me. Oh and don't forget coffee..IV drip anyone? I will invent it worries..

Blog Virgin

Now that it took me 20 minutes to title this post, I suppose I should begin with my intentions. Intentions? well maybe not so much....I played around with writing a blog about my constant struggle to lose weight, thinking it would save those around me whom have to hear about it everyday. Or possibly blogging about my life as a nurse and all the crazy things that happen, until I realized that would be violating HIPPA... ( for non-health care people that stands for Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act , basically meaning: shut your mouth). So instead I chose to blog about everything and anything..Possibly not a wise choice, I'm sure I will include my weight struggle (hopefully humorous to those in the same boat..or should I say in the same restaurant?!) or include a nursing story with a made up name and an asterisk to protect all those involved...

So as I said..intentions? There are none. Complete randomness and honesty, bad punctuation, misspelling and made up words. Story of my life.